October 8, 2008

Do You Suffer From the Someday Syndrome?

I'll start working out once works slows down a bit.  I'll start saving 10% of my income once I start earning more money.  I'll have more fun when I meet my soul mate.

Do any of the above statements resonate with you?

We've all had thoughts like these.  However, when we think like this, we are usually of it.  We are deluding ourselves.  Perhaps, you're different.  Maybe in your planner, you`ve written down that on November 17 of 2010, you will begin your new exercise program.  Highly unlikely, but possible.

 Why do we do this? Why, when we know exactly what we should be doing, make up excuses and rationalize that we get to it someday?

There are two elements that contribute to this.  First, we feel like we should be doing something. We should exercise.  We should save our money. We should be more organized.  But thinking like this creates a lot of internal pressure. This pressure can feel very uncomfortable.

Sometimes this pressure can push us to take action.  When we do what we should do, the pressure often releases and we start to feel better.  However, sometimes we don't take action.  Here, the second element of the someday syndrome kicks in. 

We don't like to feel bad. When we don't do something we think should do, we feel bad.  So how do we respond?  Do we inquire within and search for the underlying cause of the negative or do we try to get rid of the bad feeling as fast as we can? 

Most of the time, we just want to get rid of the feeling.  The easiest way to accomplish this is to rationalize that we will do what we should do someday.  We get to not engage in the behavior and we get to avoid feeling bad.  It's a quick solution that lets us get on with our life.  However, it's a solution grounded in denial and self-deception.

The Solution to the Someday Syndrome

There are two points of attack when dealing with someday syndrome.  You can drop the "should" and thereby give yourself the freedom to not engage in the behavior.  You can also choose to stop putting off the behavior and begin taking action immediately. I suggest that you do both.

The "should" creates internal pressure where you don't feel like you have a choice.  You have to exercise and you have no say in the matter. You have to save money and you have no say in the matter.  The "should" also becomes the spark for self-judgment if you fail to follow through.

Paradoxically, I also suggest you start engaging in the behavior that you've been putting off.  Not because you "should" do it but simply because it is beneficial.  It's not wrong to put it off; it's just more intelligent to start now.

When you take action without using pressure to motivate yourself, there is a lightness and effortlessness that accompanies it.  You feel in more control because you are exercising choice.

When You Can't Follow Through

What if you are not yet strong enough to follow through?  What if you can't stick to your exercise program?  What if you can't curtail your spending?

Instead of beating yourself up when this occurs, acknowledge the truth.  Accept that you're not at a point in your life where you have cultivated enough internal and/or external resources to take action. 

Rather than lying to yourself through rationalizations, be honest with yourself.  It's okay to say "I presently lack the strength/discipline/ confidence/etc. to do this."  Then, you can start working on those resources until they are sufficient to execute your goal.  You aren't pretending that will get to it someday, you are creating the necessary conditions that will allow you to get to it.

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This entry was posted by Anand Dhillon and is filed under Emotional Mastery, Happiness, Perception, Personal Development

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October 6, 2008

Why Doing the Wrong Thing is Better Than Doing Nothing At All

How often do you stop yourself from taking action because you aren't sure you have the right path?  How often does self-doubt cause you to freeze? Most of us are conditioned to believe that it isn't okay to make a mistake and do something "wrong".  We have learned to fear how we might feel, how we would look or what other people might think.

However, this attitude is limiting. One of the primary characteristics of high achievers is an extreme action orientation.  By probability alone, taking enough action will eventually lead to some positive results.  Conversely, inaction will guarantee failure.

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." - Wayne Gretzky

Action Cultivates Self-Trust

The foundation of feeling effective and in control of your life is trust in yourself.  However, self-trust is a precious quality that lies underdeveloped in many of us.  Inaction can reinforce this lack of self-trust. 

When you consistently refuse to take action because you are afraid of doing something wrong, you build the habit of self-doubt.  This doubt reinforces itself.  The doubt reinforces inaction and then the inaction reinforces the doubt.  This creates a negative downward spiral.

On the other hand, when you have uncertainty (and there is always some level of uncertainty) and act in spite of it, you cultivate self-trust.  Even when your action is incorrect, it can still reinforce self-trust (provided you don`t beat yourself up over your mistakes).  As your self-trust rises, you are willing to take action in face of greater uncertainty which creates a positive upward spiral. 

Over the long term, the growing trust in yourself far outweighs any short-term results you may or may not get.

Doing the Wrong Thing Has Little Downside

Failure, in most endeavours, has very few, if any, negative consequences.  Most of the time, if you do something wrong, it doesn't really matter.

Now, if you're designing a $100 million building that will house thousands of people, it better be designed well.  However, in most areas in our lives, failure has little downside.

For example, if you want to ask someone out, the downside is he or she says no. If that happens, you may feel a little rejected.  Aside from that, nothing bad actually happened.  There are no permanent negative consequences.  Or let`s say you want to take up a new sport but you`re unsure whether you will enjoy it.  Instead of doing nothing because you are uncertain, you can simply try it out for a while.  If it`s not for you, all it cost you was some time.

 Often, the worst case scenario for incorrect action is a negative emotion.  The practical consequences are very minimal.  You can work with these emotions by using one of the methods in the article, 3 Easy Ways to Change Your Emotional State Instantly.

Inaction Fosters Inaction; Action Fosters Action

Inaction and action both have their respective momentums.  We've all had days where we start out lazy and unproductive.  We set the tone for the day and create negative momentum.  It's natural for the day to turn into a waste where we neither have a lot of fun nor do we accomplish anything meaningful.

Consider how this habit might compound over time.  A week where you take very little action can easily turn into two weeks.  This can turn into a month and then a year. Before long, you've reached a place where, on a daily basis, you are only doing enough to get by.

Conversely, let's say you take action early in the morning.  You might go for a run just after your wake up.  Since you've had a productive beginning to the day, you think about what else you can accomplish.  So instead of watching the television, you decide to read for a little while. Then you feel motivated to put forth an extra effort at work during the day.  When you come home, instead of sitting in front of the television, you take the time to do something that relaxes and rejuvenates you.

Action Provides Quick Reality-Based Feedback

It`s easy to get caught in the trap of overanalyzing.  We can get stuck in over-planning and under-acting. 

Taking action, unlike judging based on mental models, provides valuable feedback that is more accurate than any model you can construct.  If you`re interested starting a blog, you can mull it over for months at a time or you can set up a blog in a few minutes.  Try out blogging for a few weeks and see if it`s something you enjoy. 

It could turn out that starting a blog was the wrong thing to do.  However, the only way to find out is by actually doing it.  With inaction you learn nothing, with action you learn whether your initial judgment was right or wrong..

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Where in your life are you hesitating and refusing to take action?   Where could you do something right now and learn something whether it turns out to be right or wrong?  Commit to taking some action you`ve been hesitating to take and learn from the result.

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This entry was posted by Anand Dhillon and is filed under Goal Setting, Habits, Learning, Perception, Personal Development

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