Do You Suffer From the Someday Syndrome?

I'll start working out once works slows down a bit.  I'll start saving 10% of my income once I start earning more money.  I'll have more fun when I meet my soul mate.

Do any of the above statements resonate with you?

We've all had thoughts like these.  However, when we think like this, we are usually of it.  We are deluding ourselves.  Perhaps, you're different.  Maybe in your planner, you`ve written down that on November 17 of 2010, you will begin your new exercise program.  Highly unlikely, but possible.

 Why do we do this? Why, when we know exactly what we should be doing, make up excuses and rationalize that we get to it someday?

There are two elements that contribute to this.  First, we feel like we should be doing something. We should exercise.  We should save our money. We should be more organized.  But thinking like this creates a lot of internal pressure. This pressure can feel very uncomfortable.

Sometimes this pressure can push us to take action.  When we do what we should do, the pressure often releases and we start to feel better.  However, sometimes we don't take action.  Here, the second element of the someday syndrome kicks in. 

We don't like to feel bad. When we don't do something we think should do, we feel bad.  So how do we respond?  Do we inquire within and search for the underlying cause of the negative or do we try to get rid of the bad feeling as fast as we can? 

Most of the time, we just want to get rid of the feeling.  The easiest way to accomplish this is to rationalize that we will do what we should do someday.  We get to not engage in the behavior and we get to avoid feeling bad.  It's a quick solution that lets us get on with our life.  However, it's a solution grounded in denial and self-deception.

The Solution to the Someday Syndrome

There are two points of attack when dealing with someday syndrome.  You can drop the "should" and thereby give yourself the freedom to not engage in the behavior.  You can also choose to stop putting off the behavior and begin taking action immediately. I suggest that you do both.

The "should" creates internal pressure where you don't feel like you have a choice.  You have to exercise and you have no say in the matter. You have to save money and you have no say in the matter.  The "should" also becomes the spark for self-judgment if you fail to follow through.

Paradoxically, I also suggest you start engaging in the behavior that you've been putting off.  Not because you "should" do it but simply because it is beneficial.  It's not wrong to put it off; it's just more intelligent to start now.

When you take action without using pressure to motivate yourself, there is a lightness and effortlessness that accompanies it.  You feel in more control because you are exercising choice.

When You Can't Follow Through

What if you are not yet strong enough to follow through?  What if you can't stick to your exercise program?  What if you can't curtail your spending?

Instead of beating yourself up when this occurs, acknowledge the truth.  Accept that you're not at a point in your life where you have cultivated enough internal and/or external resources to take action. 

Rather than lying to yourself through rationalizations, be honest with yourself.  It's okay to say "I presently lack the strength/discipline/ confidence/etc. to do this."  Then, you can start working on those resources until they are sufficient to execute your goal.  You aren't pretending that will get to it someday, you are creating the necessary conditions that will allow you to get to it.