If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed to get the latest self-help articles as soon as they're published. Thanks for visiting!

In my previous post, I wrote about the someday syndrome - the tendency put things off to some indefinite day in the future.  However, the problem has an even more insidious form. It is best encapsulated by the saying, "I'll be happy when . . . "

I'll be happy when I'm rich.  I'll be happy when I'm fit. I'll be happy when I am in a relationship with my soul mate.

 It can be comforting to seek our emotional salvation in some future moment. The fantasy can be intoxicating. However, the fantasy is just that: a fantasy.  The idea that you can one day set up your life circumstances in such a way as to make you happy is seriously flawed.

Inaccurate Predictions

In the book, Stumbling on Happiness, the author details studies that point to our general inability to accurately predict how events will affect us on an emotional level.  As we imagine future scenarios, we tend to overestimate how happy positive events will make us feel and how miserable negative events will make us feel.  The imagination, though a useful tool, is often wildly inaccurate.

Imagine you wake up tomorrow and you are a millionaire.  You never have to worry about the bills again. You are set financially for the rest of your life. You would be happy, right? Experience says that is not necessarily true.

I've met both wealthy individuals that are happy and miserable.  Interestingly enough, the ones who seem to be happy were that way before they acquired their wealth.  The money simply provided a lifestyle upgrade. Yet, the common dream in western culture is achieving financial success.  We assume it will bring us happiness.  Reality says our predictions are wrong.

Where do the errors in our predictive capabilities arise?  First, when considering the impact of future events, we have a tendency to take a narrow view.  We focus only on certain details while completely ignoring others.  Second, we base our predictions on assumptions that may not be true and we do not take the time to question them.

When someone who feels lonely imagines being in a relationship, they tend to focus on all the wonderful aspects:  love, intimacy, and fun.  They often imagine an ideal partner who is flawless.  Reality, however, presents an alternative perspective.  All people have flaws - no matter how perfect they may seem.  And at times, relationships lead to hurt, anger and sadness - it goes with the territory.  However, in imagining a romantic relationship, those details are conveniently left out. 

Hedonic Adaptation

For a moment, let's assume that becoming a millionaire will make you happy.  Another problem arises: the happiness won't last.

Hedonic adaptation refers to process through which the pleasure we derive from an object, activity or experience diminishes over time.  As soon as we hit one level of enjoyment, it isn`t long until we want more.  Once we have a $1 million, we want $2 million.

Most people when asked about how much money they need to be happy say they need 20% more, no matter what their income level.  Whether they make $50,000 a year or $1 million, 20% more seems to be the average.

Consider the evolution of the cell phone.  Initially, the ability to call someone wherever you are was amazing.  Now, it is something that we take for granted.  Today, smart phones that give you constant, high-speed access to the internet everywhere are exciting.  Soon enough, they also will not be a big deal.

The constant longing for more stem from the way in which we make evaluations.  We don`t see things in absolute terms but in relative terms.  This has been termed perceptual contrast.  Something is cold only when we have something to compare it to. 

Hedonic adaptation puts us on a treadmill where we consistently want more and more.  As a result, even if do reach that magical "someday" of a fit body, a soaring bank account and a great relationship, it won't be long until find yourself yearning for another "someday".

The Consequences of I`ll Be Happy When . . .

1. Running the rat race - It is far too common for people to work long hours at a job they hate so they can, one day, have the good life. The worst part is this strategy doesn't work. It's all for nothing. But we've been culturally conditioned to act as if this will bring about happiness.
2. Making circumstances responsibility for your happiness - Psychological research points to internal attributes being the primary contributors to happiness. When you tell yourself that you will find happiness in some future life conditions, you act as if the external world is what determines your emotional state - you act based on a false assumption about reality.
3. Living in a fantasy world - Instead of being present to your moment-to-moment experiences and enjoying the perfection of each event, you avoid the present. You live in your fantasy of someday. The truth, however, is you can't be happy in the future, you can only be happy now.

The Solution

In the next few articles, I'll detail different approaches to experiencing lasting happiness in life.