August 18, 2008

Fear of Success

Quite often, when we are afraid of taking action and really going for goals, we believe this hesitation comes from fear of failure, fear of rejection or perfectionism.  However, in many cases, I find that not taking action often stems from a fear of success.

Now, you might be thinking: "Fear of success. Come on.  I know I want my goal.  That can't be it."  At the conscious level, you may desire your goal.  However, at an unconscious, you may be aware of some side effects of achieving your goal that you may not particularly enjoy.  In fact, in my experience, the fear of success is a bigger issue than the fear of failure.

Achieving a goal requires some sort of change.  And change includes both some positive and negative consequences.  The problem is that we are often unaware of all the consequences of a goal at a conscious level.  However, at an unconscious level, there could be a feeling that the negative consequences outweigh the positive consequences.  When this is the case, we have difficulty taking action and we often sabotage ourselves.

The solution is to bring these consequences into your conscious awareness so that you can deal with them deliberately.

Let's say, for example, you are a woman that would like to lose weight but you are struggling to do so.  Imagine yourself already having lost the weight and begin to the notice how you feel.  Notice what else has changed in your life as a result.  What are the consequences? Perhaps you will have to make permanent changes to your lifestyle to maintain your new weight.  You will have to buy new clothes. You may start getting more attention from men (perhaps desirable and perhaps undesirable).  Your overweight friends may express some jealousy.  You may feel pressure to keep the weight off.

In order to congruently move forward and lose weight, you would have to deal with each of the consequences by either figuring out how to eliminate it or simply accepting it.  When there are no more unconscious inner conflicts, taking action becomes far easier.

What Will Happen If You Achieve Your Goal?

Here's a simple exercise you can do on a goal you are struggling with. Imagine the goal as having been achieved in its entirety.  Imagine that it is real right now.  Fully step into it.  Many times, when there is unconscious resistance to a goal, stepping into the goal can feel quite uncomfortable.

Now, ask yourself the following questions:

It is important to be very thorough in this process and write everything down.  This isn't something that can be completed in just a few minutes.  I suggest take at least 30 minutes to an hour to carefully contemplate the answers to these questions.

How to Handle the Consequences

As you become aware of some of things that are holding you back after completing the exercise above, there are 4 different responses you can have to the consequence.

  1. Change your perception - This is the approach to take when the imagined consequence is not realistic. In other words, you have a limiting belief. For example, you might have the goal of becoming a millionaire but one of your blocks may be the belief that rich people are greedy. This thought will prevent you from acquiring wealth because you would not want to allow yourself to become greedy. In order to stop sabotaging your efforts, this obstacle must be removed. You could replace the limiting attitude with a more empowering one such as the more I have, the more I can give.
  2. Accept the consequence - Many goals are package deals. Along with the result you do want, there are consequences you would prefer not to have. However, if you want to congruently move forward towards your goal, you must release any fear or resistance associated with this consequence. For example, if you become wealthy, there are likely at least a few people who will be jealous of your abundance. In order to move forward with your goal, you must be willing to accept that some people are going to feel this way. You have no control over what other people think and as long you acquire your wealth through ethical means, you have nothing to worry about.
  3. Work around the consequence - In this case, the consequence tells you that you need to further planning. If you are trying to lose weight, you will also have to save some money to buy a new wardrobe when you are at your ideal weight and you will have to find a way to eat healthy when you are out eating with friends. If you are trying to make more money, you will have to learn about the more complicated tax situation that wealth entails.
  4. Stop going after the goal - In some cases, the negative consequences of a goal outweigh the benefits of achieving a goal. In that situation, it makes sense to stop going after the goal. Chances are, it's something that you don't really want to do but rather it's something you think you should do.

Common Blocks that Create the Fear of Success   

Using this knowledge, you can now attack any remaining fear of success that  you may have that is holding back the achievement of your goals.  I leave you with a quote from Marianne Williamson:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

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This entry was posted by Anand Dhillon and is filed under Emotional Mastery, Goal Setting, Perception, Personal Development

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