When Do You Look for Happiness?

An interesting way to analyze our behaviour is looking at where we look for pleasure and where we don't on the timescale.  The table summarizes the four quadrants or archetypes. By becoming aware of these archetypes we can gain information about ourselves that can drastically improve the quality of our lives.

		Present
		Seeks Pleasure	Doesn't Seek Pleasure
Future	Seeks Pleasure	Fulfilled	Rat Race
	Doesn't Seek Pleasure	Instant Gratification Junkie	Quitter

The Quitter

The Quitter is characterized by someone who is deeply entrenched in victim thinking.  They don't seek success and fulfillment because they don't believe it is possible for them. They may eventually hit rock bottom and turn things around.

Bottom line:  don't be this person.

The Instant Gratification Junkie

The IGJ is a person who lives for the moment, doing anything to feel good here and now. They act without concrete goals or even a general sense of direction for life. The primary concern is achieving a positive emotional state through any means.

Common behaviour patterns for someone in pleasure seeking mode include:

• Excessive watching of television, playing video games, going on the computer
• Substance abuse
• Use of food to change emotional state
• Socializing as a means to avoid work
• Habitual procrastination

Someone who is an IGJ continually seeks the highs that are provided by quick emotional state changers.  Over the long term, this is not a sustainable way of living that provides happiness and fulfillment. With the constant search for pleasure comes pain when it is missing. The pleasure that is experienced is very superficial.

Living as an IGJ will lead you to a place of emptiness - moving from stimulant to stimulant with a lack of meaning. The IGJ probably has goals  that they would like to accomplish but are unwilling to pay the price to achieve those goals. Instead, they choose to live a life of mediocrity. 

Unfortunately, this is how many people live their lives - living only for the next fix.

The Rat

This quadrant epitomizes the person living the rat race to the extreme.  They consistently sacrifice the now in order to have a better future.  They live based on the someday syndrome - when the fruits of all their efforts are realized, and their life circumstances are perfect, then they can allow themselves to be happy.

This person likely went to college or university to get a degree in something that they don\t enjoy but will get them a good job. They work long hours at the office, something they don't enjoy, to make money they think will make them happy.   They come home exhausted and stressed out.  They might be a workaholic or highly competitive, doing whatever it takes to get ahead.

The Rat Racer may be highly goal-oriented, but their heart is not into the goals. They have likely taken on the goals of others - parents, friends, society etc.  The price of this is a sense of inner restlessness and the inability to just be and enjoy the present moment as it is.

The Fulfilled Individual

This is the sweet spot where we all want to be.  The fulfilled individual lives in the present moment while simultaneously using it to contribute to an even brighter future. They enjoy the best of both worlds.

From the outside, at times, they appear to be in the rat race.  They may work long hours and make personal sacrifices in order to do what is important to them. The difference, however, lies in how they go about taking action.  There is a certain lightness to their actions, a feeling of being on purpose.  Instead of being stressed about their work, they are simply grateful for the opportunity to work so hard.

Though highly goal-oriented, the fulfilled individual realizes that the journey is just as important as the destination.  They have learned to enjoy the process as much as the outcome. 

So . . . Who Cares?

The above individuals are all abstractions.  In reality, we all move from one archetype to another to varying degrees.  Though the final archetype seems to be the most ideal, there are times in our lives where it is appropriate to take action in the face of negative emotions.  Similarly, there are times when instant gratification provides an opportunity for us to relax and recharge.  Still, we should seek to spend the majority of our time in the sweet spot.

Raising awareness is a key first step in becoming more fulfilled.  We must become conscious of how we are spending our time in each of the four quadrants.  Take a look at the activities that you were engaged in during the last week.  How much time was spent in each of the quadrants.  Perhaps you were spending far too much time chasing instant gratification.  When I first did this exercise, I found that spent more than 20 hours a week doing things to feel  good in the moment.  The big culprit for me was reading articles on the internet.  Since  then, I have been able to reduce this number and spend far greater time doing things that are truly fulfilling.

Look back at the previous week and see how you spent your time.  Alternatively, log how spend your time in the next 7 days and see where you lie.  With this knowledge, you may find out that you can make minor  adjustments that improve your life. On the other hand, you may find that your past decisions have led you to a place where you don't want to be.  But from here, you have the opportunity to make new decisions.